My fav holiday here

These photos are old, and I meant to post them earlier. Its actually a different holiday here at the moment....and I'm avoiding going out so I don't get soaked in all the Songkran craziness. But inevitably I had to forage for food or a poolside, and got drenched along the way.

These ladies were setting off the lanterns along the riverside where we dined. Those are not stars behind them in the sky; rather they are other lanterns flying high...

This one was taken with a really slow shutter speed, and this is the moon above us that evening, being centered by ominous looking yet harmless clouds. It was a serene evening. Except for the really drunk Thai people.

This is one of my favorite holidays because the lanterns are so beautiful in the sky but there is something about the way they drift so slowly away and with the lantern, you send away all your doubts, fears, pessimism, and vanity.

moon cakes

Recently the mid-autumn full moon festival happened. I unfortunately missed it by a week when I was in Shanghai. However, I did partake in the gearing up for the full moon festival, which all really started for me when I was at the Starbucks in Bangkok a few weeks back. There, at the checkout counter, were moon cakes for sale with the Starbucks logo imprinted on top (usually, they have a pretty floral design or some other symbol that I am too ignorant to know the significance of). My instinct was to purchase the moon cake and consume it happily, but was taken aback by how expensive one pastry was (100 baht. When one is accustomed to spending 30 baht for lunch, that ~$3 is like sticker shock). Had I known that the moon cake actually weighs something in the order of two pounds, I would have reconsidered. Luckily for me, I went straight to the source (China) and bought a shoebox load and gleefully brought them back to Thailand for all my coworkers to enjoy. Unfortunately, the one I ate from China wasn't all that (booo!) so I went straight to Tesco and bought the most expensive one. Why was it so expensive? Because it was Durian moon cake. Only in Thailand. Unfortunately again, my moon cake did not live up to my expectation. In case you don't know, Durian is a peculiar fruit which half the population love and half hate. I'm in the latter camp, and that is because it smells like fart and tastes like fart. And when I eat it, I wretch, and then I break out in hives and my throat starts to close shut. I should have just bought the Starbucks moon cake. There's always next year....

(moon cakes are filled with a paste like yummy filling, and a hard boiled egg yolk)

Random updates 2010

How do we expect people to think critically about
public health problems if they've only learned to be functionally literate?

We've got way too many male squash flowers.

Children see in black in white, adults see in grey tones.

When will I be able to commit to having my own pet dog?

See photo of my spelunking:

wooden bridge

This is the longest wooden bridge in Thailand and it takes you to the Mon people. It was almost twilight and I took this using low ISO (100) . It created a steel like tint in the image. The bridge was rickety and gorgeous to walk across. House boasts having been built alongside the structure, added more inevitable photo opportunities.

amazing light

The fried tofu and vegetable in peanut sauce topped with creme fraiche was AMAZING but the Nikon D50 that captured this image using only available light (which was very very little) produced even more amazing results...

Fortune was told

Today I was having a conversation with the resort owner about including more vegetables in our meals, and then he asked me if I was happy with somtam. I thought he was talking about green papaya salad, so I said yes, I love Somtam and it makes me happy. "No! not somtam! No! Are you happy sometimes?" I smiled and emphatically said yes! most of the time. He told me the mole on my right cheek is preventing me from being happy. Wow, my mother has been telling me this for years. Is this an Asian thing? He subsequently took my hands into his and stroked the tips of my longest fingers, saying I had a difficult childhood and that is why my second and fourth fingers are uneven. It made me think about my parents divorce, being burned by scalding water, being separated from my sister, in an orphanage, and sojourning to the US and not knowing a single soul. He proceeded to tell me that he could see from my hands I help many people and that no one helps me in return. And so because of this, I should never expect people to pay me back or help me. I thought well, that is pretty reasonable. Could be just good advice, something I'll totally heed. He did reassure me, though, that when I hit rock bottom, someone will be there to pick me up. At which my new coworker, concerned about my destiny, invited me to stay with him if I am ever having problems. Glad that is covered! He also told me that I am a bullheaded person and that when I want something, contrary to the advice that my friends and family might proffer, I will go for it. He nailed that one. Then he got into the juicy stuff and told me that I have two people who are in love with me right now. I asked him who they are because clearly I've been left out in the dark. He proceeded to tell me that I am not really good at saving money. I was starting to not want to believe him. And that I also have a sixth sense and can occasionally know things are going to happen before they happen. OK, now he's becoming my friend again. And that I have a very deep secret only in my heart which makes me very sad and nervous.

hanging

Some of the best times i have here in MS is just hanging with Cate and taking pictures of random dogs. We've come up with a classification system of the thai dogs: Burger, BFF, and Polio Dog. How many degrees of separation are they away from these 3 dog types? we ask ourselves. Then we dash for the dogs and take numerous photos. It's raging fun. Then we go and look at random T-shirts.
This one is definitely 1 degree away from Burger with his scruffy factor. It was so sad, why was he eating poo on the road? I didn't know dogs eat poo.

Then we came across two little puppies. They were many degrees of separation from the 3 dog types, but their puppiness still warranted a pull over and oogling.

an afternoon at the beach

-rayon shawl passes by

-handkerchief bandana passes by

-tribal henna tatto passes by "Not permanent! Only lasts 2 weeks!"

-duvet cover floats by

-bamboo flute passes by, music emanating

-leather braided shell bracelets pass by

-curtains stroll by

-roasted corn on stick passes by

-rayon shawl passes by again

-oversized oriental motif fan walks by, dramatically thrust open for details of oriental motif to be seen

-fried broad beans pass by, with a few, eerily, almost landing in my hand without my volition

-rayon shawl passes by, again

-linen sundress walks by, i'm tempted. the white ones always tempt me.

-the musical bamboo passes by playing a different tropical tune

-wooden carved lamp passes by

-wow, an oversized carved wooden wall clock but designed like a wristwatch walks closely by.

my dream vacation

when i'm not working these days, my mind daydreams about the vacation i will finally be taking at the end of may. agenda: yoga, warm crystal aqua green waters, spa, watch DVDs, read, surf and access to internet (just to check a few work related emails in the morning after my breakfast and coffee). or maybe i'll hit the beach first and then come back to a nice and lazy afternoon.

vomiting

The only reason I know that Valentine's Day is coming up is because all the toy stores along the main drag are vomiting oversized stuffed animals out their doors in the shape of hearts and teddy bears and flowers, in very conspicuous colors like red and pink and hot pink, hot red! Red Hello Kitty heart-shaped dolls, heart-shaped pillows, pink non-descript shaped-somethings are spilling onto the sidewalks. I zip by these stores on my bicycle, with absolutely no reason to stop. As much as I would love to meander into one and peruse all the knick knacks they sell (which I actually enjoy doing if I have a few minutes to procrastinate), I've got more practical things to shop for - 2,500 small plastic medicine ziplock bags, some string, a bed net, toothpaste...On other occassions, when I have more free time and I do get a chance to take a 'brain break', I like to look at the endless quantities of either fake Lesportsac wristlet clutches or coin purses or cell phone doilies that cost a dollar or so. This activity makes me very happy. Sometimes on a hot day, I'll indulge in a bowl of Thai jelly dessert served over crushed ice or I'll get real Thai iced coffee brewed with a sock, served in a plastic bag and stroll the aisles and just buy something. Shopping here does not break the bank. Shirts cost a few bucks, a pair of jeans can cost 5 bucks. Other times, I'll go over to the store next to the air-conditioned coffee shop in town because there is a miniature pomeranian there and go over play with the dog. The store owner probably thinks I'm a little coo coo because I squeal just a little too loud every time I see the dog, but it's pretty darn cute. When it was a puppy, it fit in the palm of my hand. And my hands are small.

a ghost encounter

Today I had an encounter with a ghost. And it was my friend.

I met an extraordinary man a few years ago, here in Thailand. He came out here to train some of our jungle medics in trauma surgery. We had so many wonderful talks about Buddhism, life, commitments. We had our share of moments of being intoxicated, literally and figuratively. We went our separate ways. I stayed working in Asia; he went to head a Doctors Without Borders hospital in Sudan. Then a few weeks before we were going to meet up in Los Angeles, I received an email from his brother. My friend was found dead in his hotel room, his cause of death was unknown. I was devastated, sad. Life went on however, I thought about him periodically. I still do. I thought about the book he forgot to give me the name of that impacted his outlook on life, his philosophy.

Today, I logged into my gmail account. And on the left sidebar that shows all your friends who are available for gmail chat, appeared his name, with the green dot next to it, indicating that he's available for chatting. I froze. Was it him? I didn't dare write anything to him, in case it wasn't him, I didn't want to be disappointed.

If it really was you, Bryan, I'm thinking of you.

Tagore

The first time I learned about Tagore (or so I thought) was when I was in Calcutta last September, for work. I was strolling along Sudder Street, and there was this bust of this old man and the caption said that he used to hang out on this street and write a bunch of his poems. I was like, "cool". Whatever, I was more interested in taking a photo of the leathery old Indian man standing next to the bust. A week later, I'm reading an article in Harpers and it makes a reference to Tagore's poems. I thought, "How coincidental! I just happened to be in India where he used to hang out. Cool". But! A few weeks later, my best friend gives me a birthday card, and I was carefully reading her words since she always says the most thoughtful and heartwarming things in cards (not your typical "OMG, I love you! Let's be BFFs forevs!" stuff), and at the bottom of the card, there was a couplet written by no other than Tagore! Right then, I got the chills, and I told my friend Katy about the two previous instances with my Tagore encounters. I didn't put 2 and 2 together, but she did. She said, "Linda, you know what this means? Tagore is speaking to you. You must buy his book or read his poems and figure out what he is trying to tell you." Oooh, that gave me another set of chills.

So, I was resolved on buying a book by him. Of course, a few weeks go by, and I completely forgot about Tagore. I even had ordered a few books on Amazon.com and didn't even think to buy Tagore's poems. Well, I'm up at my parents house a few weeks later, where I store some of my stuff. I'm going through a few boxes, looking for old photos. I come across a box full of books, and I'm going through them really quickly, trying to prioritize which ones I can take home and make fit in my new bookshelf. I'm tossing books out left and right and there is one in particular, with a Korean title, and I was like, no way, it's probably one of my Mom's books from her literature club or something, toss that aside. I make a pile of the few books I'm going to take home and when I look at the pile to assess if it's too many for me, I notice the Korean titled book that I tossed aside is sitting on top of the pile. Just as I was about to toss it aside again, I look a little closer at the title, and it says "Tagore". Bam. There it is. Tagore just lands in my hands. Chills run down my spine, real bone-chilling chills this time. I open the book up gingerly, half thinking that some crazy light force was going to blaze out of the book, like when they open up the Ark in Indiana Jones.

But that doesn't happen. Instead, there's a caption my Mom wrote in Korean when she gave me the book 5 years ago. Translated, it says "So that my daughters can be loving daughters, love Mom". I never remember her giving me the book back then and it takes five years and a journey halfway around the world to finally accept her gift and the words of Tagore. Specifically, these are the Gitanjali poems.

I delve into the Gitanjalis, thinking big things, like they're going to tell me if I need to go back to school, or I'm going to find the love of my life or give me answers to what my purpose on this Earth is. But they don't. Yet, I'm not discouraged. I remember what my Mom has told me, particularly in reading Hesse. "You need to read Hesse every 10 years. What you get out of reading Hesse at age 20, will be different from what you learn from Hesse at age 30, and 40, and so on. " And so that is the approach I'm taking with Tagore.

One Gitanjali, #48, stands out in particular for me at this point in my life:

The morning sea of silence broke into ripples of bird songs; and the flowers were all merry by the roadside; and the wealth of gold was scattered through the rift of the clouds while we busily went our our way and paid no heed.

We sang no glad songs nor played; we went not to the village for barter; we spoke not a word nor smiled; we lingered not on the way. We quickened our pace more and more as the time sped by.
The sun rose to the mid sky and doves cooed in the shade. Withered leaves danced and whirled in the hot air of noon. The shephered boy drowsed and dreamed in the shadow of the banyan tree, and I laid msyelf down by the water and stretched my tired limbs on the grass.

My companions laughed at me in scorn; they held their heads high and hurried on; they never looked back nor rested; they vanished in the distnat blue haze. They crossed many meadows and hills, and passed through strange, far-away countries. All honour to you, heroic host of the interminable path! Mockery and reproach pricked me to rise, but found no response in me. I gave myself up for lost in the depth of a glad humiliation - in the shadow of a dim delight.

The repose of the sun-embroidered greem gloom slowly spread over my heart. I forgot for what I had travelled, and I surrendered my mind without struggle to the maze of shadows and songs.

At last, when I woke from my slumber and opened my eyes, I saw thee standing by me, flooding my sleep with thy smile. How I had feared that the path was long and wearisome, and the struggle to reach thee was hard!

The journey is just as important, if not more, as the endpoint, the arrival. What's the point of reaching your goals, or getting what you want if the process to get it wasn't fun, beautiful, appreciated? I just need to stop and smell the roses. In concrete terms, this means I will take a few days this year and head down to the islands of Thailand (which are so close to me) and actually wear my two bikinis that I bought and haven't worn yet. And of course, this poem is telling me about love, but I don't want to write about that now. That's for later to share.

a muu-muu and a basket

you will never guess but i pre-ordered a muu-muu! that is the most exciting news i have to share!!!! woo hoo!! my life is so crazy, so on the edge. oh, and one of the medics from the jungle wove me a basket. it's so beautiful, i'm flattered. i think he has a crush on me.

did you know that muu-muus started in hawaii? mine won't have the crazy bold floral prints, it will have a more subdued pattern, but floral nonetheless. if i like this one a lot, i might go back and custom request another one, but maybe with a sexier bustline this time...

Trip back

This is not the most flattering photo of myself, but what I want to point out is the beautiful and serene S------ River pictured behind me that is clandestinely carrying us away from B----. Its calming current and pristine sandy river banks (softest sand I've ever walked on) belie the madness going on in this country. On the other side is the Thai national park. The only difference? Landmines. Ironically, the landmines that have been laid throughout the jungle terrain along the eastern side of the river has inadvertently preserved its beauty.



Walking down from the church on the hilltop where the training was held. The rice bag I'm using to protect the laptop and my hairdo from the rain.

Rambo the movie

I'll be going inside to a camp of internally displaced persons in eastern b---- to conduct a malaria workshop. It's pretty close to the border, but it's also only 10 minutes away from three b---- army camps. And we have to cross the river accompanied by either the thai border police after greasing their palms (i think that's the term) or the ethnic armed group. Thousands of people fleeing their villages now live in this camp. There have been major military campaigns in northern k---- state, which has resulted in 6 of our program sites to cease operations. There is speculation that many more clinics and villages will become inoperable this coming year as the b---- army plans to push force a ceasefire with the k----. It's bizarre that my life parallels this ridiculous movie coming out, the same weekend I'm heading in. I will be incomunicado for about 9 days. Will write when back! Then i'm going up to chiang mai to see this movie for myself.


link to rottentomatoes RAMBO

LYCM!

Language lessons finally

I'm embarrassed to admit, but after so many years I've finally committed to learning urmese.
Today I learned how to read and write "the fat elder sister dances every night". MAMA WA NYA NYA KA. Easy, right? And I can also say "Really, I'm not lying!" TE GEH MA NYAAR BU! You're probably thinking that these phrases might not be the most practical, but you never know when these might come in handy for me. It's actually a really beautiful language to the ears, one that ranks high up there for me like the Dutch language. And like Korean, you have to memorize the different gender/age titles and conjugate the verbs according to who you are and to whom you are addressing. And although it's difficult to write the letters, I always get a kick out of looking at the words. Each character reminds me of people in different positions because there are a lot of circles and sticks. And then there's the character that...OK imagine a guy naked, lying supine, knees up and you're looking at him from down below, as if you're an ObGyn. Always get a kick out of that one... OK, back to practicing the script and working on some malaria data.

lek & yai

I just found out that my friend's dogs were poisoned. It's a really sad day for me because I loved Lek and Yai so much. Strange things happen in MS, I don't know why anyone would do such a thing...

What I'll miss about Thailand

Typical for dogs to travel in this manner. And typical that the raw meat stand is right next to the boiled corn and hair ornaments stand in the marketplace.

thailand's method of reprimanding misbehaving cops

bbc news - thailand

workstation

I don't really have an office here, officially. But I've adopted the Ban Thai veranda as my new workstation. I was staring at a chameleon as I drudged over writing these malaria guidelines.
Check him out, isn't he sweet? Sometimes his head turns red. I caught him on camera during his "blue" period.